Sunday, January 18, 2009

From the Pratfall Control Office?

The document recorded below was passed on to me by an acquaintance who said it was found on the sidewalk outside Symphony Hall in Boston. It did not appear to have anything to do with Boston Symphony Orchestra business, but this person thought it might prove of interest to me. It did. A first page (or pages) is missing, since it begins abruptly in mid-sentence. It had no author's name on the last page, and without a cover page which might have named the writer, one can only speculate on its origin.

"what a bunch of chronic whiners think. Ignore the garbage that gadfly Mr. H keeps spewing out. Someday he'll learn he's just wasting his time and boring a lot of fellow crybabies. And as for those other johnny-come-latelys, ignore them too.

"No, we're not going to take a stand one way or the other on homosexuality. Yes, of course we should say it is totally incompatible with C. S., but then we'd end up with a real mess on our hands if we did and lose their admittedly disappointing contributions to boot. The dissident crowd doesn't send us anything now and probably wouldn't even if we recanted. Just let them continue to stew in their own juices.

"Yes, in theory we may have been wrong to open the door to allowing practitioners to work for someone taking medicine or who is under medical care, but there are only so many ways we can scatter a few crumbs to those who are unquestioningly loyal to us (and act as additional eyes and ears in the boondocks). Ditto lecturers and new teachers. State COPs can't be everywhere. Lectures have been useless fluff for years, so why not at least let these eager wannabes make a little moolah off of them? The bonus is that none of this costs us a dime. The lumpenproletariat gets to pay for its own nannies.

"Yes, we should never have started the full-text edition of the Bible lessons, but it's the only cash cow we have. Just about everything else is a loss-leader. And if we eliminated it, most of the subscribers would quit doing the lesson altogether. Nobody is keeping those who want to from digging out their precious books and reading from them.

"No, we're not going to renounce the Gill book on MBE. If the usual complainers think it makes her out to be some kind of ninny, so what. They don't have to buy the book or read it. So the periodicals are a little light between the covers. What of it, since nobody reads them anyway. Anything deeper than what's there would probably scare off the few readers they have. And we're not going back to the original Christian Science Standard of Healing published in the November 1957 Journal. We've got to get more paying members, not fighten off those we have with impossibly high standards. By the time the yokels learn what a joke either of the two Harris versions is we'll be long gone. Some energetic Paul Pureheart can come in then and brush-hog this and a lot of other nasty briar patches.

"In summary, we're going to keep things as they are. We can't afford to upset any more financial apple carts. The noisy rabble outside the gates might as well learn who's in charge and that we're under no obligation to heed their complaints or concerns no matter how loudly or sincerely they voice them. Noblesse oblige isn't our policy and mum's the word."

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Absolutely delightful! You are not only funny as all get out; you are dead right in all you've said.
This will show Boston we're on to the fact that they don't intend to do one thing to clear up their messes. (And I feel sure they will be reading your most amusing post!)

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious! A friend just phoned me and said,"You've got to see the latest on The Broken Net!" Extremely well done, and so insightful, too.
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Blogger and patrons alike, you're trafficking in pathetic gossip. Grow up. If you do want a narrow church that is only for those who are already perfect, you've arrived. Enjoy your self-righteous superiority. But remember, Jesus would have avoided you and yours -- instead hanging with the "rabble." Have a nice day.

Anonymous said...

It is becaue we are hanging with, that is to say, deeply love and respect our dear Master, Christ Jesus, and are devoted to the Science of Christ our inspired Leader gave to mankind that we speak the truth--albeit in a wonderfully funny way. We're not sitting around, depressed, expecting things to be cleaned up. Not with money as the motivating factor!
It's onward Christian soldiers for us, let me assure you, whoever you are.

Anonymous said...

Very amusing post, blogger!

To the above commenter: Most likely we're the ones regarded as "rabble" by the Directors and their toadies.

And we do realize the only real way to "perfection" is by following Christ Jesus and Mary Baker Eddy as faithfully as we know how.

Avoiding the use of alcohol, tobacco and medicine are NOT impossibly high standards nor are they unatainable. However they ARE essential for further growth spiritward. Mrs. Eddy perhaps says it best in Science and Health, p. 19:25

"Those who cannot demonstrate, at least in part, the divine Principle of the teachings and practice of our Master have no part in God."

Note the "at least in part" More than 125 years of Christian Science practice have proven renouncing the use of alcohol, tobacco and medicine ARE an essential part.

It's doubtful very many, if any, Christian Scientists hold any animosity to those who choose to use alcohol, tobacco or medicine, but we're not naieve enough to think they can effectively practice Christian Science from those standpoints. Which brings us to the issue we have with the Directors and their toadies who apparently feel otherwise. Such individuals indeed "have no part in God" and certainly do not have the qualifications to administer the precious gift Mrs. Eddy left us.

So, have a nice day, commenter!

Anonymous said...

Thanks, commenter previous to mine. You put it so well yourself, and you let our Leader's words back you up. I can't help feeling there are more and more of us in the Field who have had enough of Boston's slipping and sliding, watering down CS. Of course, they can't touch the copies of the Holy Word we have, nor Mrs. Eddy's writings. And staying with these has only made many of us clearer about what's right and wrong, only much stronger spiritually. Their "experimentation" hasn't worked, as even they just admitted in the Boston Globe article a friend from Australia sent me. You would think they'd retrace their steps, apologize for the downright wicked things they've done. But no, it is apparent to many of us who deeply love CS that moral idiocy has set in. So sad.

Anonymous said...

What a gift to us when God inspired you to start up a website. Those blogs under the umbrella of Boston (have glanced at some of the entries) just cannot hold a candle to what you are doing. Your blog is so well thought out, expertly crafted, and full of substance. Those others are about as interesting as the dull fare in the periodicals.
Keep it up, dear blogger!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for what you are doing for our Cause. And you can bet your boots this is going to read widely today at the Church Center. Bless their hearts, having to work for things they must know are not right. But at least they have the pure Word of God and what our Leader wrote to sustain them.

Anonymous said...

"Briliant deduction, Holmes", as Watson would say. How pitiful that our Church which should be at the forefront morally--certainly spiritually-- is no better than Wall Street. The parallel is clear to see. No, don't expect the Trammell business to be cleared up, at least not by the BOD.

Anonymous said...

Thank God, I say, that we have our books to dig into. Don't know where I would have been these past few disilllusioning, troubling years without His Word, Jesus' teachings, and the inspired revelation of Mary Baker Eddy to turn to.
And thanks to you for speaking up, dear blogger.

Anonymous said...

So appreciate this blog. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Fresh, honest, well-written, filled with such love for God, for Christ Jesus, and for Christian Science.
Keep up the great work you are doing!

Anonymous said...

Let me second all the comments you've gotten on this post (with the exception of that one!). So encouraging to many of us that CS's are willing to stand up for the priceless treasure they have.
Heartfelt thanks to you.

Anonymous said...

Just love your website. But more than the very capable writing on it, the desire to uphold the standards of Christian Science that underlies all you are doing.
My thanks to you, blogger.

Anonymous said...

Really enjoying the good writing, plain language, and sincerity I find in your blog posts. I think many followers of our religion could study what you write and improve their communicating. We need more like you, in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

Owing Christian Science my very life, I commend anyone who tries to keep its teachings pure. As its Discoverer and Founder has given the Truth "bluntly and honestly" to the world, it must not be watered down, made to conform to low standards. But even if this is happening in some quarters, I thank God no one can touch my book!

Anonymous said...

Keep blogging, oh amusing one. And what you're sharing with us has substance, too. We need you thinking and posting!

Anonymous said...

A friend just told me to tune in to your blog and am I glad I did. So honest and well written and right on the money. (Oops, did I say money?) Anyway, keep this going as we need you, blogger.

Anonymous said...

Dear Blogger,
There's so much regard for our Cause to be found in what you write. You say things so well.
Blessings and love to you, and have a great day!

Anonymous said...

Love it, love it. From the title all the way through. You have no idea what a service you are providing to the Field. You are right on the cutting edge of things.
Love and blessings to you.

Anonymous said...

A friend asked me to find the texts of the blog entries anent the Trammell business, and I am so glad to have thereby discovered this splendid blog.

Has anyone noticed what a mess this week's lesson (LOVE) is? At least they spared us from having to read the untrue (but still current) assertion that the "strange woman" was Mary Magdalene--though the Journal reinforces that one. I always have trouble with the woman "taken" in adultery. If she was taken, wouldn't the man have been also? And why is CS silent on the fact that he got off scot-free? I can ratiocinate my way past that one, but I cannot for the life of me see why the S&H passages are so uncorrelated that one of MBE's more sentimental passages, the one about mother love, is used when it is so clearly inappropriate. I was thinking of calling the CSPS and asking them which parking lot they park their brains in when they go to work. Or whether it's now required for CS-tists to have achieved the ultimate in mental surgery: a prefrontal lobotomy by spiritual means alone.

They wouldn't get it.

Anonymous said...

I just reread the snippy and mean-spirited post I sent here last week, and I regret having posted it. Since I am First Reader, I had to get past this negativity before Sunday. I did so, and I have never read better or more understandingly. The reference to mother love, I finally realized, simply added a dimension to the wise love Jesus was expressing in dealing with the situation. I think the woman was set up, especially if she was Mary Magdalene as it's traditional to believe. The guy who must also have been "taken" in adultery wasn't nailed because he was one of the Pharisee conspirators. Jesus saw through the whole thing, and instead of walking into their trap, turned it on its head. May we all be led by our experience of CS to such gumption and savvy!

I'm glad I posted this as "Anonymous" and not under the screen name of "LowlyWise" that I use of this and other blogs including some on the CSMonitor site.