Ding Bat Enterprises is proud to announce it has been licensed to offer a line of exciting new products and services for those Christian Scientists adrift on a stormy sea of fear, doubt, problems galore, and lethargy.
o Three health care plans (probably not covered by the Pelosi/Reid/Obama monstrosity).
1) The Frugal Single. Covers either Christian Science treatment OR medical care.
2) The Big Double. Covers both medical care AND Christian Science treatment.
3) The Triple Threat. (Especially recommended for super-cautious types who wear galluses, a belt, and an elasticized waistband.) Includes The Big Double plus another service of your choice, such as acupuncture, yoga, shamanism, voodoo, etc.
o The new volte-face, cleaner-than-a-hound's-tooth C.S. Journal which essays to reclaim at least some of its lost virginity. [A tough job when the offspring of past indiscretions prowl the hallways.]
o The smashing new C.S. Sentinel with juiced-up flummery so smooth and creamy you won't know (or care) it isn't the real thing.
o All the writings of Mary Baker Eddy offered in editions with copious medical information in appendices and which also include dozens of coupons for your favorite OTC drugs. Science and Health will also contain a spectacular, full-color foldout of the human anatomy with all the relevant parts labled so you can clearly [and more indelibly] tell someone what it is that hurts. No boo-boo is too insignificant to create a fuss over. Truly, the complete one-volume guide to health care.
o A new book: "An Astrological Guide to Health Care". Tells the reader how to use his daily horoscope to get the biggest bang for his C.S. treatment and medical care sawbucks. "When the planets are aligned, the best solution will you find."
Don't be a mooncalf. Sign up today, and while you're at it show your love for a laggard by giving him or her a freebie of our services.
Note: To Anonymous, no I haven't written a book. At best I'm probably a sprinter. Jane Welsh (Did I misspell her last name in that entry?) was a Scottish lady who married Thomas Carlyle. She may have gotten a bum rap when she was said to be something of a termagent. She is also said to be one of the best letter writers in the English language, to give her her due. "Hatlo's Inferno" was a favorite Sunday cartoon I remember from my youth when there was a separate color (no less) comic section in the Sunday paper. "Hatlo's Inferno" was a largish one-frame cartoon which meted out appropriate, but humorous, weekly torments to the types mentioned in the blog entry. Like "Major Hoople" and many others, I miss it.