Now that we're all huddled together down here with the ice machines in the basement of the Publishing Society, it's time to kick some keister and restore the Church Center to its former glory. First, l'elephant blanc. What? The Library, Mary. What were you people thinking when you built that thing? Just a rhetorical question, since I know only too well what you were thinking. Anyway. To give it some much needed pizzazz, reopen the espresso bar and add an atmospheric (maybe stars and planets, Mary) saloon. Then how about a branch of Meow Mix and something like it for the gents--Tom Mix, let's call it? That should bring in some of the "elusive spondulicks". Squiffed "researchers" can then go upstairs and rummage through the drug-addled old lady's letters and personal papers. Finally, we'll let The Salvation Army and maybe a full-service pharmacy have some space, if there's room, in this mini-mall on the ground floor. They would lend some real class and give us a couple of "betterment of humanity" pegs to hang our chapeaus on.
Now, Mary, let's have some spicy centerfolds in the Journal--full color, but not too tasteless. You know what I mean, I'm sure. They could be called Cuddly Candy Strip(p)er of the month and Scientific Stud of the month. Next, Trammell, Harris, and Gill can work on revising Science and Health and the Church Manual. Cut out all the boring and wet-blanket crap. End up with one slim volume the size of an i-phone. That'll show folks we're with the times. Next, make sure our medical guru,Virginia, and one of the J-boys keep on top of the Bible lesson committee. We want a deck as cold as we can make it, and the suckers who use it will still think they're getting an honest "deal". Lectures will be packages of mass-produced baloney sprinkled with a few platitudes and some pixie dust. Lecturers will be little more than sales reps chosen for their willingness to say whatever we tell them to in return for a nice payday. We want more paying church members, and I don't care if they are Tiger Woods, Nancy Pelosi, or a foul-mouthed Joe in his cups. Kaching, kaching is the theme song of The Mother Church, Inc., LLC.
Finally, for the nonce, we'll turn to the Original Edifice and convert all that wasted space into a flop house and drug rehabilitation center. The hoi polloi can even bring their libations over from the Library and crash. What? Quit giggling over your eriscope, Mary, I said hoi polloi, not hooey pooey. Talk to her Nate. We can turn Mother's Room into a cozy boudoir for indigents with a little extra change in their pockets. Charges will be modest, but realistic. Don't forget, we're running a business, boys and girls, not a church! This should show the critical rabble out there and the New York Times how much we love and care for our fellow man. If this place was good enough for the invalid junkie who built it, Tom, it should be good enough for them.
Let's close this confab with a prayer. Call Father Whatshisname for the Paternoster. Busy? Never mind. Group dismissed.
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31 comments:
WOWEEEEE!!! This is going to shake things up.
Wouldn't have missed this one for the world. Methinks you've been advising Boston on how to dismantle the church organization. Just kidding, of course. This is a zinger for sure.
You'd better believe the Board of Directors are going to know about this. If phone calls and letters pleading for a return to pure CS doesn't budge them, perhaps your blog will.
What dazzling talent you have!
A thoroughly enjoyable read. This ought to be passed around at the Church Center and who knows, it just may be.
CS's throughout the Field are going to be talking about this. Simply marvelous job of showing just how far gone officials are.
What a scorcher. If this doesn't get the attention of certain individuals, I can't think of what would.
Don't give up on reminding them how far they fallen!
I hope you have a good lawyer, Christian, because this stops just short of slander and overshoots the satirical mark. Can you prove anything you have alleged (or hinted at)? Could you supply a bibliography or list of works cited? For anything this important, some high seriousness must accompany the rapier wit. This would be especially true of the inference that the BoD thinks that MBE was a "drug-addled old lady." Sorry, but I can't summon my usual enthusiasm for your essays and I think you may have gone too far. Too bad: you have (had) a finger on the pulse of the TMC's disorder (if that's not too physiological a metaphor) so don't let it balloon into the hubris hinted at by such allegations as "...since I know only too well what you were thinking."
"Disorder", lowlywise?!! You must have been inhabiting another planet these past few years. You need to read the latest issue of The Banner to know, sadly, what BOD as you call them think of our great Leader and were willing, in a meeting, to display it.
Get with the program!
I say, thank God we have among us someone who cares enough about the Cause our Leader left mankind for its well-being that he/she will work tirelessly to hold up the standard of divine Science. And who has the tremendous abilities to go at the evil, in serious ways and satirical, when called for.
For anyone who wishes to get up to speed with the latest reprehensible doing by the Board of Directors may wish to send for a free copy of The Banner. It's all over the Field, and might prove very enligtening for those still in the dark, or who have wanted to not see what is going on.
Andrew Hartsook, 2040 Hazel Avenue, Zanesville, OH 4370l-2222
I, as a longtime reader of this person's blog, have often thought that he/she must surely be a teacher. If this isn't the case, then English professor. Or attorney. Yes,attorney, especially when blogging about that Planet Waves business in the fall of 2009 I think it was. Would have to go back. The obvious sharp intelligence this blogger possesses tells me they know precisely what they are putting out there in cyberspace, and as anyone can see, choose words extremely carefully.
So, commenter previously, forget all about the potential lawsuit. This attorney/blogger is well ahead of you. (Yes, I think this individual is just that.)
What a marvelous writer you are. And you just must keep at things. Who knows? The light may yet dawn on certain individuals.
You have hit the nail on the head with this one--in so many respects. Yes, getting income in whatever way they can has been the theme for far too long. It isn't Christian love for us in the Field that is nearest and dearest to them, but fleecing us. This is why I no longer play the sucker for them.
My view of all this is, we have the inspired books, both the Bible and the writings of Mary Baker Eddy. And who can hold us back from proving these divine truths? No one,no matter how far off the right track they may be.
We have what we need, thank God.
What bothers me most about what I read yesterday after church in a friend's Banner is: that refined, beautiful lady who gave the truths God had given her, and which she had perservered in keeping pure through so many challenges, would be treated so disgracefully by the Directors of her own church!
Doesn't one of our hymns mention choosing between truth and falsehood? Must look it up, but for now, what I read in The Banner about that teachers' meeting is far worse than falsehood.
Shame on them all!
To me, Christian has captured the essence of what I read in The Banner. It's a business, not a Christian organization any longer, I'm sad to have to say.
Love your blog!
The way you do weave words. Just love reading your blog posts, and I hope you keep right on speaking out on such vital issues.
Let's not forget about the so-called "Teachers" of Christian Science--the Banner was referring to a "Teacher's Meeting" held in Boston, I believe. Yes the acts of the Board were and continue to be completely reprehensible as Christian has so ably pointed out here on more than this occasion. However, if any one of those "Teachers" failed to get up and walk out of that meeting in protest(and apparently none did walk out) they are totally complicit with the disgusting degeneration of TMC's BOD and are therefore not qualified to teach Christian Science. They too obviously had more interest in status and income than in standing for Principle or honoring Mrs. Eddy. I tell you I'm shocked, just shocked by this outrage!
Good for you, "friend in AZ". Well and forcefully and needfully said, I say. Why were those teachers silent before such degrading (not that one could actually) of Mary Baker Eddy? Were I one of them, I tell you, my conscience would be killing me about now. And I would have to confront this evil--no matter what mere title and smiles of the Pharisees I had to give up. What is that with doing what God requires, for heaven's sake?!!!!!
Dear Christian,
My message to you is, do not let anyone,and I do mean anyone, who has their head in the sand and would rather take you on for speaking the truth and loving Christian Science, than make a little effort to find out what is really going on at the highest levels. And not high, in the sense of being near heaven or doing what is pleasing to our loving Father. Let them get the facts, look at them with wide-open eyes, and turn their critical comments on the Board of Directors and those teachers who sat mute when a marvelous benefactor of humanity was being trashed!
P.S.
Just read what I wrote, and was so fired up about the subject didn't finish my first sentence. And commenting on such a well-written blog need to be clear. My hope is you Christian will not let such individuals as that lowlywise and others deter you from going right on publishing your much-needed thoughts on whatever church issue you think needs airing. We need you--more than ever before! And put your essays in serious or funny or even savagely witty form, if this is what you feel inspired to do. It's your website!
Speaking for myself, I love this blogger for the good being done. That God inspired this person to start this website is clear to me. And He apparently is standing behind it.
God bless you, Christian.
"Seek Truth, and pursue it. It should cost you something: you are willing to pay for error and receive nothing in return; but if you pay the price of Truth, you shall receive all." Mary Baker Eddy, Miscellaneous Writings, page 342 in her article, "Fidelity". (And "all" should be italicized.)
To anyone who wishes to find out what is going on in Boston, it will only cost you the price of one stamp, to write Zanesville, OH. The Banner's address is in these comments above. Surely you care enough about the Cause to spend that much?!
I have a patient who has turned to the study of Christian Science at a time of great physical need. And seeing what the writings of Mary Baker Eddy are doing for this dear man, it just breaks my heart to see that woman being dealt with so despicably. And by those who of all people should be showing respect and gratitude. And be willing to stand up for her, if they are the only one in the room doing so!
I have no clue what everyone is talking about and I don't understand why it can't be aired publically. All the talking around the details instead of airing them publically seems odd. I wish someone would explain the reason for it.
What I do know is that by their fruits ye shall know them. Hundreds upon hundreds of church closures, each one a sorrow to me, certainly indicate that something must be very rotten somewhere.
In defense of "that lowlywise" it might be stated that he or she probably had not read "The Banner" but thanks to "Faithful CS" considerately posting the address of Andrew Hartsook will now be able to do so, and will not be blindly taking an educated guess at what he reported, via the not-very-detailed accounts of Christian. LowlyWise would also prefer the cautious summary description of "disorder" rather than rush in (and you know who rushes in) with a whosesale condemnation that may or may not be proved without a doubt. LW asks why "The Banner" and AH should be accorded such unquestioning credence. LW would give a student writing such an essay a C-, not for want of wit but for want of proof. Any reputable lawyer or literary researcher would demand more, and perhaps the actual Hartsook article will clear this up--though LW would insist on the same rigorous criteria of truthfulness and validity from him.
LowlyWise also loves the hymn "Oft to every man and nation" and usually notes that Lowell's poem actually reads "Once to every man and nation" and remembers that it addressed the defining issue of American history, that of slavery. Actually "oft" is more applicable to CS and CS churches, where many mistake an honest questioning as an attack. LW nowhere bashes blogger Christian but rather praises him or her but, sans further information, feels that he/she went a little too far. But if the BoD meeting with the teachers indeed is as reported here, LowlyWise deplores it and would join in any effort toward the effective reform in Boston so long overdue. LW, like most of you, is tired of unanswered questions or evasive answers, fuzzy logic and fuzzy morality. Let's just not let it get to us completely!
"Fuzzy logic" and "fuzzy morality" my foot! These essays and the heartfelt comments could not be clearer nor show more moral courage in standing up for our Cause. I think the last commenter is letting things get to him/her!
New England misread LowlyWise's comment. "Fuzzy logic etc referred to that which comes forth from the BoD any time the field -- including and especially such as our forthright Christian -- try to get a straight answer from them.
so glad to have found this blog! you need to continue to speak because Truth is truly identified by the fewness and the faithfulness of its followers -- thank you!
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