Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Some Helpful Definitions (Maybe)

Gillian Gill book on MBE: A cesspool falsely advertised as a mountain spring by hucksters who don't know, don't care to know, or who cynically ignore the difference.

Full-text Bible lessons: A very small boat which enables the indifferent sailor to leave the sturdy docks behind and indulge the dangerous delusion that he's got with him everything he needs to ride out storms, which are much closer than he thinks.

C.S. Journal and Sentinel: With some few exceptions, bland, stupor-inducing bumf.

C.S. Monitor: A print Tom Thumb long wandering and lost, and demons (not birds this time) have eaten all the bread crumbs showing the way back home.

The Christian Science Standard of Healing: In its most recent iteration, a soothing bromide for the healthy, wealthy, and wise and a blind alley for the afflicted.

Weekly Bible lessons: A potentially nourishing meal prepared by chefs with questionable cordon bleu qualifications.

Lectures and talks (?): Often an oral pea soup which permits the herding of the befuddled quarry into application pens where they can be tagged and released as useful paying members of The Mother Fog Machine.

C.S. Reading Rooms: In too many instances, a hang-out and computer game room for any youths or adults bored enough to wander in; a sales venue for an excrescence like the Gill book. The "reading" part of the name has largely gone the way of cabooses on trains.

C.S. Sunday School: Too often, a corral where youthful hyperactivity and misbehavior is partially tamed by meaningless games and schoolyard banter. Dedicated buckaroos can usually be found standing forlornly outside the fence.

Christian love expressed in churches: Too often, bonhomie directed only to those in one's own select camp or social class. Demurrers, independent thinkers, and the socially insignificant can easily find themselves relegated to the frosty Siberia of the peanut gallery.

C.S. practitioners and teachers: These days a decidedly mixed bag. For the unwary or uninformed, choosing either is a C.S. version of "Wheel of Fortune".

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hysterically funny, but do you hit the mark. So, so true, blogger. My neighbors can hear me laughing, I just know.
Wonderful, wonderful. We're so fortunate to have a talented, dedicated Christian Science like you!

Anonymous said...

Oh, this is delightful. Just had to call a friend who isn't into computers and read it aloud. When I got to the lectures and talks part, was so tickled could not get through it. Had to try 3 times! How do you do what you do?
Wouldn't have missed this for the world.
(But do you know, it's all too true. And sad.)

Anonymous said...

This is a winner! Got a phone call just now, from someone who said I had to turn on my computer as "The Broken Net" blogger was at it again. As a former reading room worker and sunday school teacher who no longer can do either, so polluted are these activities (sadly), I can tell you you couldn't have described the situation more perfectly.
Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Love it, love it. Haven't laughed like this in a long time. Thanks for another very funny offering.

Anonymous said...

Excellent "definitions!" Sadly, it's too true. That's why we've been doing church at home for some years and reading the early Bible lessons from the Bookmark.

Thanks for a good laugh.

Anonymous said...

If they weren't so true, I'd be laughing too!

Anonymous said...

To think we can have vital issues addressed, and get a very good laugh (several in fact), as well.
Thanks for a wonderful uplift to my day!

Anonymous said...

Bravo, blogger! Isn't it interesting to observe how God gets the message out in so many different ways. But then His channels are infinite, aren't they?
Really enjoy what you are doing.

Anonymous said...

The Discoverer and Founder of the Christian Science you are so ably using your talent to uphold says in "Retrospection and Introspection" on page 70: "Each individual must fill his own niche in time and eternity." I'd say, you've found yours for sure, certainly for now.

Anonymous said...

Well said. My sad story is that I used to love being librarian of our reading room, and the one where I moved from. Alas, the whole things became so corrupted, had to leave this activity.
But I still my Bible and my Leader's writings, so I'm okay.
Thanks so much,

Anonymous said...

You lead off with the Gill book. Don't get me started on that! I left our reading room because it was being sold, albeit under the counter. If Boston had turned a corner on wrongdoing, would have renounced that soundly. Alas...
Thanks for being on top of things!

Anonymous said...

Just love our blog, blogger. You are rendering the Field a much-needed service in my estimation and I applaud you.
With my best,

Anonymous said...

There's no "maybe" about it. Not only is your blog entertaining, it is so cutting-edge informative. And you are putting in words what so many of us out here have noticed and lamented.
Keep up your inspired sharing!

Anonymous said...

Keep on with this vital blogging you are doing. Just wish more had the courage and intelligence and devotion to Christ, Truth to do what you are doing!

Anonymous said...

Just enjoyed reading this most amusing (but true!) blog. Don't know why but that one about the lectures/talks just had me in stitches. Couldn't stop laughing.
You are something else!

Anonymous said...

Appreciate so much getting to read a blog that has substance to it. And so wittily done as well!
Keep up the fine work.