She came into the room with the self-effacing ease and gracefulness of a loaded 18-wheeler tooling down the interstate. What she doubtless hoped would be a picture of radiant inner beauty was closer to a study in the limitations of cosmetics. If she gave me her moniker it whizzed by quick as a Sandy Koufax fastball. We got right down to business.
Q Why did we need another biography of Mrs. Eddy? You were chock-a-block with them before. Employees must stumble over boxes of them in the hallways. And who needs a better and more thorough and sympathetic biography than Robert Peel's excellent contribution?
A The world was crying out for a feminist treatment of her, and we didn't have one.
Q Must have been a pianissimo cry. Most of us never even heard a distant peep. Are you sure that what you didn't have, and wanted, was a bio with your fingerprints on it?
A Now, now, you sound jealous of what we produced.
Q Just what were you looking for? Someone like one of those pigs that sniff out truffles to snuffle for warts, shocking revelations, secret midnight trysts, and meaningless peccadillos? Or maybe to root up something really big that you could mount on the wall behind your desk with a tag underneath which says "She wasn't so special after all"?
A Ms Gill is a professional and well qualified researcher and feminist scholar, and that's what we wanted.
Q Yes, and if what she knows about Christian Science were reduced to an edible crumb, a hungry mouse wouldn't bother with it. She also has no respect for Mrs. Eddy or Christian Science. Nice qualifications.
A She can back up everything she wrote.
Q No doubt. I'm surprised she didn't find a flimsy accusation that Mrs. Eddy wore trousers like George Sand and Hillary or was once caught puffing on a hookah in the cellar of Pleasant View. Or maybe a "discovery" that she had tattoos on each shoulder, one reading "Free Love" and the other "George". If Ms Gill had done to Christ Jesus what she did to Mrs Eddy people would have been outraged.
A Mrs. Eddy is not Christ Jesus, and that's not a nice thing to say.
Q Neither is the book. And why is it that a non-Scientist with no real understanding of Christian Science or appreciation of and respect for Mrs. Eddy was allowed to graze at will in the MC archive pasture when lifetime MC members would be lucky to get a quick gander at it and probably be charged for the privilege to boot?
A We need to control access to those irreplaceable documents. We also didn't want anything to hinder or limit her research.
Q You mean anything like a humble and respectful attitude toward her subject, our Leader?
A This is a feminist biography.
Q In other words, bitchy.
A That's not fair. We wanted to bless the public with a full and unbiased contemporary picture of her.
Q And Peel didn't? Not butch enough or whatever for feminists? And jumping Jehoshaphat, that picture on the dust jacket! Who is going to want to know more about Mrs. Eddy or Christian Science when they see that, not that it matters in this instance? That picture will do about as much for her and Christian Science as the photo of Gov. Dukakis in the tank did for his chances of being elected President.
A Well, we think it's a nice picture. And in spite of your derogatory remarks, we had reports of long waiting lists at many libraries for this book.
Q That's because, as you know, some hostile religious groups and religious bigots heard the book had done a Lizzie Borden on Mrs.Eddy, and they wanted to feast on the carnage. Yes, nice job. The book only helped in adding to the ridicule and mockery directed at Mrs. Eddy and Christian Science.
A You surely don't expect me to agree with that assessment?
Q I know, "L'Eglise, c'est nous", but if you think the Mt. Rushmore act will cut it forever, you're mistaken. Has it never occurred to you that the spiritual, pure, and divinely inspired will always be a mystery, and ergo resented, by the materially minded, impure, and uninspired?
A What's your point? It wasn't our intent to deify her.
Q Obviously not. Just cut her down to size, take her down a few notches. Well, thank you for your time.
They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,
In a Sieve they went to sea:
In spite of all their friends could say.
* * *
But we don't care a button! we don't care a fig!
In a Sieve we'll go to sea!
Edward Lear, from "The Jumblies"
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
The MC Blue-plate Special: Arrogance W/Contempt
Any wise and cautious diner would probably not think of playing culinary Russian roulette in a restaurant, no matter how tony, which had been cited by the local health inspector for serving contaminated food. Even ordering a dish which hadn't been found to be tainted might not be a, shall we say, palatable decision to make. By the same token, why should the chefs or sous-chefs of a malignant dish like the Gill book on MBE be trusted to prepare or oversee the preparation of spiritual food for Christian Scientists, as, for example, Bible Lessons, ". . .on which the prosperity of Christian Science largely depends." (Manual, Article III, Sect. 1) As James 3 admonishes, no fountain can yield both salt water and fresh.
Apparently the Gill book is mephitic enough that even some otherwise subservient churches will not display it in their Reading Rooms. But to produce it for sale sub rosa from under the librarian's desk like a jug of moonshine or even to order it on request is a hypocrite's game. Those who find the Gill book obnoxious (or, more likely, deeply obnoxious) might also need to think about obedience to Article VIII, Sect 12, of the Church Manual vis-a-vis Reading Rooms.
How comfortable should any Christian Scientist worthy of the name feel when asked to subscribe to and read periodicals edited by someone who dallies in horoscopes, eriscopes, and louche moral standards? Should he patronize an editor who would permit the use of the Christian Science periodicals as a forum for cynical metaphysical makeovers, ticket punching, and preening? And how can he have any trust in a church administration which has megalomaniacally and cavalierly squandered the better part of a billion dollars in lovingly donated contributions and from under whose doors come the rancid, telltale seepings of moral and ethical degeneracy?
The moribund wheezings, gaspings, and ominous silences of unhealthy lungs are not "The freer step, the fuller breath,/The wide horizon's grander view" which betoken the salutary and uplifting activity of those who walk obediently and faithfully in the Light. One would think even a soupcon of common decency and love for Christian Science would turn at least some of the nabobs from their corrosive and self-indulgent fantasy that a lifetime handout is God's gracious reward for chronic fecklessness and smug disloyalty to their Leader and her Church.
Note: As a comment to a recent entry pointed out, the mention of Batmobiles somehow spontaneously morphed into a lively discussion of Bible Lessons. Those interested in the subject (Bible Lessons, not Batmobiles), and there appear to be quite a few, might be interested in an article from a 1974 pamphlet "Speaking to You: The Bible Lesson". The article was by Robert L. Shaul (otherwise unknown to me) and was titled "The Evolution of the Christian Science Lesson-Sermon". No source or original date was given for the article, which may have been written for the pamphlet. A 1941 leaflet titled "Divinely Inspired Sermons" should also be of interest. It was reprinted from the October 1941 Journal.
And, finally, thank you to the person who pointed out the source of Dr. Tutt"s phrase "The readiness is all".
Apparently the Gill book is mephitic enough that even some otherwise subservient churches will not display it in their Reading Rooms. But to produce it for sale sub rosa from under the librarian's desk like a jug of moonshine or even to order it on request is a hypocrite's game. Those who find the Gill book obnoxious (or, more likely, deeply obnoxious) might also need to think about obedience to Article VIII, Sect 12, of the Church Manual vis-a-vis Reading Rooms.
How comfortable should any Christian Scientist worthy of the name feel when asked to subscribe to and read periodicals edited by someone who dallies in horoscopes, eriscopes, and louche moral standards? Should he patronize an editor who would permit the use of the Christian Science periodicals as a forum for cynical metaphysical makeovers, ticket punching, and preening? And how can he have any trust in a church administration which has megalomaniacally and cavalierly squandered the better part of a billion dollars in lovingly donated contributions and from under whose doors come the rancid, telltale seepings of moral and ethical degeneracy?
The moribund wheezings, gaspings, and ominous silences of unhealthy lungs are not "The freer step, the fuller breath,/The wide horizon's grander view" which betoken the salutary and uplifting activity of those who walk obediently and faithfully in the Light. One would think even a soupcon of common decency and love for Christian Science would turn at least some of the nabobs from their corrosive and self-indulgent fantasy that a lifetime handout is God's gracious reward for chronic fecklessness and smug disloyalty to their Leader and her Church.
Note: As a comment to a recent entry pointed out, the mention of Batmobiles somehow spontaneously morphed into a lively discussion of Bible Lessons. Those interested in the subject (Bible Lessons, not Batmobiles), and there appear to be quite a few, might be interested in an article from a 1974 pamphlet "Speaking to You: The Bible Lesson". The article was by Robert L. Shaul (otherwise unknown to me) and was titled "The Evolution of the Christian Science Lesson-Sermon". No source or original date was given for the article, which may have been written for the pamphlet. A 1941 leaflet titled "Divinely Inspired Sermons" should also be of interest. It was reprinted from the October 1941 Journal.
And, finally, thank you to the person who pointed out the source of Dr. Tutt"s phrase "The readiness is all".
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The Bitter and Sweet of Error's Deliquescence
Which is it: a hair shirt or a silk shirt, shad roe or beluga caviar, agony or ecstasy? A reader of Psalm 23 might easily conclude that the way of the righteous is pretty nice indeed. The same reader of Mary Baker Eddy might find her margin heading on page 40 of Science and Health, "Suffering inevitable", a good deal less enticing. Christ Jesus said: "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me . . . For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matt 11: 29-30) Hmm, not too frightening. Mrs Eddy says: "Jesus spares us not one individual experience, if we follow his commands faithfully" (S&H 26: 5-6). That can be a "Maybe some other time" kind of statement to grapple with.
So which is it? "A paradox, a paradox,/A most ingenious paradox!" (G&S, "The Pirates of Penzance") Not really. It is true Christ Jesus often presented with the bark on the challenges which await the potential disciple, as in "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." (Luke 9: 23) And as a result of his uncompromising life and words "many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him." (John 6: 66) To paraphrase Thomas Paine, "The summer Christian and sunshine disciple will, in . . . crisis, shrink from the service of his Cause".
But neither Christ Jesus nor Mrs. Eddy said it would be all one or the other. Psalm 23 is a comforting promise. It describes the pilgrim's respite from the ferocity of the conflict between the flesh and Spirit. It offers the certainty of an interlude in the struggle, a pleasant caravansary on the route from sense to Soul. Until all is accomplished and the tumult has passed away, permanent peace will not be ours, and "many are called, but few are chosen." (Matt 22: 14) So, in short, putting off the old man and putting on the new involves both sufferings and triumphs. "We must have trials and self-denials, as well as joys and victories, until all error is destroyed." (S&H 39: 8-9) This may also be one reason Mrs Eddy advised us to "Emerge gently from matter into Spirit." (S&H 485: 14)
We might wish or hope that those three great trailblazers, Christ Jesus, Paul, and Mary Baker Eddy, had done most of the heavy lifting and suffering for us and that we could proceed effortlessly in their giant footsteps like the child following good King Wenceslas through the snow. But our knowledge and demonstration of spiritual perfection do not arrive neatly preassembled in some one-off epiphany. Our textbooks are much clearer than some of those risible instructions accompanying products from China, but each of us is still responsible for whatever it takes to achieve perfection in his individual experience.
So which is it? "A paradox, a paradox,/A most ingenious paradox!" (G&S, "The Pirates of Penzance") Not really. It is true Christ Jesus often presented with the bark on the challenges which await the potential disciple, as in "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." (Luke 9: 23) And as a result of his uncompromising life and words "many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him." (John 6: 66) To paraphrase Thomas Paine, "The summer Christian and sunshine disciple will, in . . . crisis, shrink from the service of his Cause".
But neither Christ Jesus nor Mrs. Eddy said it would be all one or the other. Psalm 23 is a comforting promise. It describes the pilgrim's respite from the ferocity of the conflict between the flesh and Spirit. It offers the certainty of an interlude in the struggle, a pleasant caravansary on the route from sense to Soul. Until all is accomplished and the tumult has passed away, permanent peace will not be ours, and "many are called, but few are chosen." (Matt 22: 14) So, in short, putting off the old man and putting on the new involves both sufferings and triumphs. "We must have trials and self-denials, as well as joys and victories, until all error is destroyed." (S&H 39: 8-9) This may also be one reason Mrs Eddy advised us to "Emerge gently from matter into Spirit." (S&H 485: 14)
We might wish or hope that those three great trailblazers, Christ Jesus, Paul, and Mary Baker Eddy, had done most of the heavy lifting and suffering for us and that we could proceed effortlessly in their giant footsteps like the child following good King Wenceslas through the snow. But our knowledge and demonstration of spiritual perfection do not arrive neatly preassembled in some one-off epiphany. Our textbooks are much clearer than some of those risible instructions accompanying products from China, but each of us is still responsible for whatever it takes to achieve perfection in his individual experience.
Friday, April 10, 2009
New From the BOD? or Where We Seem To Be
o Now directly to your cell phone, e-mail, or Blackberry! Does reading the full-text Bible lesson take far too much of your precious time and the fun out of life? Have Twitter-sized snippets from the week's lesson sent directly to you for noshing on at convenient moments. You'll never again be without these uplifting thoughts for the week. Also available are your daily Christian Science inspired horoscopes and eriscopes. Note that the eriscopes will only be sent to those 18 and older. For details see the Church web site.
o Does the nuisance of getting all gussied up and wasting time and gas driving to church twice a week get your goat? Subscribe to inspiring DVD highlights from the previous month's MC Sunday services and Wednesday meetings. A month's excerpts will conveniently fit on one 60-minute disc, so no service will take more than a seven or eight minute bite out of your hectic schedule. Don't let ho-hum church services play havoc with your life. See the Church web site for details.
o Don't we all want quick and undemanding relief from our problems? Sign up for Pick-a-Prayer on our web site. Type in your problem and several thoughtful, personalized prayers will instantly appear. Just pick the one or ones you like. This service is also available to those who are under medical care or who are taking medicine, but who still feel the need of a belt to back up their galluses. See the Church web site for further details.
o Become inspired as you never thought you could be! Order a two DVD set of excerpts from the Gill bio of MBE, read with loving care and verve by members of the Church BOD. "Believe me, we had to fight over the limited recording time available", said one board member. See the Church web site for the exciting details.
o Tired of lugging around and wrestling with the Bible and writings of MBE? All the essential bits from the Bible and writings of MBE are now available in one small, easy-to-read volume which fits comfortably and inobtrusively in a shirt pocket. Saves valuable space on your desk or book shelf as well. See the Church web site for details.
o Does the thought of trying to stay awake through another lecture give you the fantods? Powerful excerpts from six lectures are now available on 70-minute DVD's. Imagine the easy uplift that will be yours as you sit and enjoy these lectures in the jammied and bunny-slippered comfort of your own home. These discs could also be sent to other churches in your area, and packs of 50 discs are available for handing out to your church's visitors. See the Church website for details. Selected complete lectures may also be available at no charge for the cost of shipping and handling.
o Why endure the drudgery of applying separately for membership in the MC (if you are not a member already), Journal listing as a practitioner, and to receive Normal instruction which qualifies you to become an official teacher yourself? We now have the new Insta-Pro Application Package that makes possible applying for all three in one easy step, and no mentor is required. Wow! The recommended/required donations for Journal listing and Normal instruction are noted on the form, which can be completed on-line or via hard-copy. See our Church web site for details. Why delay for one more day this important and potentially lucrative step? For a special, generous surcharge this process can be greatly expedited. Also note that for your protection it will be necessary to sign a statement of unquestioning fealty to the BOD.
o Does the nuisance of getting all gussied up and wasting time and gas driving to church twice a week get your goat? Subscribe to inspiring DVD highlights from the previous month's MC Sunday services and Wednesday meetings. A month's excerpts will conveniently fit on one 60-minute disc, so no service will take more than a seven or eight minute bite out of your hectic schedule. Don't let ho-hum church services play havoc with your life. See the Church web site for details.
o Don't we all want quick and undemanding relief from our problems? Sign up for Pick-a-Prayer on our web site. Type in your problem and several thoughtful, personalized prayers will instantly appear. Just pick the one or ones you like. This service is also available to those who are under medical care or who are taking medicine, but who still feel the need of a belt to back up their galluses. See the Church web site for further details.
o Become inspired as you never thought you could be! Order a two DVD set of excerpts from the Gill bio of MBE, read with loving care and verve by members of the Church BOD. "Believe me, we had to fight over the limited recording time available", said one board member. See the Church web site for the exciting details.
o Tired of lugging around and wrestling with the Bible and writings of MBE? All the essential bits from the Bible and writings of MBE are now available in one small, easy-to-read volume which fits comfortably and inobtrusively in a shirt pocket. Saves valuable space on your desk or book shelf as well. See the Church web site for details.
o Does the thought of trying to stay awake through another lecture give you the fantods? Powerful excerpts from six lectures are now available on 70-minute DVD's. Imagine the easy uplift that will be yours as you sit and enjoy these lectures in the jammied and bunny-slippered comfort of your own home. These discs could also be sent to other churches in your area, and packs of 50 discs are available for handing out to your church's visitors. See the Church website for details. Selected complete lectures may also be available at no charge for the cost of shipping and handling.
o Why endure the drudgery of applying separately for membership in the MC (if you are not a member already), Journal listing as a practitioner, and to receive Normal instruction which qualifies you to become an official teacher yourself? We now have the new Insta-Pro Application Package that makes possible applying for all three in one easy step, and no mentor is required. Wow! The recommended/required donations for Journal listing and Normal instruction are noted on the form, which can be completed on-line or via hard-copy. See our Church web site for details. Why delay for one more day this important and potentially lucrative step? For a special, generous surcharge this process can be greatly expedited. Also note that for your protection it will be necessary to sign a statement of unquestioning fealty to the BOD.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The New Breed (A Souffle)
A cheesy knockoff of the Batmobile puttered up to the casino entrance. "It's Vin Diesel." "No, it's Vic Knockwurst!" His sculpted visage emerged from the Batmobile after creasing his coiffure and skull on the gullwing door. "I'm here to put in a good word for Miriam Baker Eddy", he says. "It's MARY Baker Eddy", says a voice in the crowd. "Whatever", he replies.
"Let's head for the bar. I could use one of my signature martinis after that ride. Smoke 'em if you've got 'em. Second hand fumes don't bother me." "So what brings you here, Vic?" "I want to let everyone know that Christian Science is for the hoi polloi, the great unwashed, not just for a bunch of hysterical old fuddy-duddies who object to everything the board of directors in Boston tries to do to get a dying elephant back on its feet." "Like the Gill biography and eriscopes?" "If that's what it takes. No one ever went to hell from smearing MBE, reading an eriscope, or canoodling in a lesbian bar. I've got my full-text Bible lesson right here in my pocket, I think, and can do the lesson twice between drinks. It's the best of both worlds."
"What has Mrs. Eddy and Christian Science done for you?" "It brings me comfort that doesn't interfere with my high-powered lifestyle." "Aren't there standards of some kind?" "To paraphrase W.C. Fields in 'My Little Chickadee', not the way they play it in Boston. No. Joining the MC is easier than signing up for Weight Watchers." "But what's the point if it demands nothing of a member?" "Well, it quiets the little demon who constantly says 'You're sinning'. Being a member of a Christian Science church is a little like going to confession, and when it's done you can write for the Sentinel and appear on its cover, especially if you put a few million shekels in the game."
"Do you study the textbooks every day and try to practice what you read?" "Textbooks? Like I said, I have my trusty full-text lessons to hit for a nice thought or two between scenes or appearances. I can't be hauling a couple of doorstops around with me." "What about Mrs. Eddy's other writings?" "What about them? Don't let some fussy straight arrows spoil your soiree. You can have a cool wind at your back without frustrating yourself senseless trying to plow hardscrabble. I got to be a reader in my church, didn't I? The inspired directors in Boston will tell you everything you need to know." "But they really don't tell us anything but 'Shell out and shut up!'" "Well, then shell out, shut up, and enjoy the ride." "But there is no longer any ride to enjoy." "Whatever."
The gullwing door closed and the Batmobile departed to another appointment in Gotham.
"Let's head for the bar. I could use one of my signature martinis after that ride. Smoke 'em if you've got 'em. Second hand fumes don't bother me." "So what brings you here, Vic?" "I want to let everyone know that Christian Science is for the hoi polloi, the great unwashed, not just for a bunch of hysterical old fuddy-duddies who object to everything the board of directors in Boston tries to do to get a dying elephant back on its feet." "Like the Gill biography and eriscopes?" "If that's what it takes. No one ever went to hell from smearing MBE, reading an eriscope, or canoodling in a lesbian bar. I've got my full-text Bible lesson right here in my pocket, I think, and can do the lesson twice between drinks. It's the best of both worlds."
"What has Mrs. Eddy and Christian Science done for you?" "It brings me comfort that doesn't interfere with my high-powered lifestyle." "Aren't there standards of some kind?" "To paraphrase W.C. Fields in 'My Little Chickadee', not the way they play it in Boston. No. Joining the MC is easier than signing up for Weight Watchers." "But what's the point if it demands nothing of a member?" "Well, it quiets the little demon who constantly says 'You're sinning'. Being a member of a Christian Science church is a little like going to confession, and when it's done you can write for the Sentinel and appear on its cover, especially if you put a few million shekels in the game."
"Do you study the textbooks every day and try to practice what you read?" "Textbooks? Like I said, I have my trusty full-text lessons to hit for a nice thought or two between scenes or appearances. I can't be hauling a couple of doorstops around with me." "What about Mrs. Eddy's other writings?" "What about them? Don't let some fussy straight arrows spoil your soiree. You can have a cool wind at your back without frustrating yourself senseless trying to plow hardscrabble. I got to be a reader in my church, didn't I? The inspired directors in Boston will tell you everything you need to know." "But they really don't tell us anything but 'Shell out and shut up!'" "Well, then shell out, shut up, and enjoy the ride." "But there is no longer any ride to enjoy." "Whatever."
The gullwing door closed and the Batmobile departed to another appointment in Gotham.
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