A cheesy knockoff of the Batmobile puttered up to the casino entrance. "It's Vin Diesel." "No, it's Vic Knockwurst!" His sculpted visage emerged from the Batmobile after creasing his coiffure and skull on the gullwing door. "I'm here to put in a good word for Miriam Baker Eddy", he says. "It's MARY Baker Eddy", says a voice in the crowd. "Whatever", he replies.
"Let's head for the bar. I could use one of my signature martinis after that ride. Smoke 'em if you've got 'em. Second hand fumes don't bother me." "So what brings you here, Vic?" "I want to let everyone know that Christian Science is for the hoi polloi, the great unwashed, not just for a bunch of hysterical old fuddy-duddies who object to everything the board of directors in Boston tries to do to get a dying elephant back on its feet." "Like the Gill biography and eriscopes?" "If that's what it takes. No one ever went to hell from smearing MBE, reading an eriscope, or canoodling in a lesbian bar. I've got my full-text Bible lesson right here in my pocket, I think, and can do the lesson twice between drinks. It's the best of both worlds."
"What has Mrs. Eddy and Christian Science done for you?" "It brings me comfort that doesn't interfere with my high-powered lifestyle." "Aren't there standards of some kind?" "To paraphrase W.C. Fields in 'My Little Chickadee', not the way they play it in Boston. No. Joining the MC is easier than signing up for Weight Watchers." "But what's the point if it demands nothing of a member?" "Well, it quiets the little demon who constantly says 'You're sinning'. Being a member of a Christian Science church is a little like going to confession, and when it's done you can write for the Sentinel and appear on its cover, especially if you put a few million shekels in the game."
"Do you study the textbooks every day and try to practice what you read?" "Textbooks? Like I said, I have my trusty full-text lessons to hit for a nice thought or two between scenes or appearances. I can't be hauling a couple of doorstops around with me." "What about Mrs. Eddy's other writings?" "What about them? Don't let some fussy straight arrows spoil your soiree. You can have a cool wind at your back without frustrating yourself senseless trying to plow hardscrabble. I got to be a reader in my church, didn't I? The inspired directors in Boston will tell you everything you need to know." "But they really don't tell us anything but 'Shell out and shut up!'" "Well, then shell out, shut up, and enjoy the ride." "But there is no longer any ride to enjoy." "Whatever."
The gullwing door closed and the Batmobile departed to another appointment in Gotham.