[The curtain lifts in medias res.]
We've got to breathe some life into this thing or we're going to have one humongous corpse to explain away. Any ideas?
We've tried everything. The Gill bio didn't exactly ignite a firestorm of interest in the Church. Talk about pooping in you own nest. And we've oked about everything but human sacrifice, S-M, and group sex. Members don't even have to crack a book any more. We've done it all for them, practically pre-digested everything, and the one or two minutes it takes to get through the full-text lesson is still too much. Maybe we can come up with something they can put under their pillows at night and grow wise and spiritual as they snore away the hours.
We've got to do something to at least look like we're inspired. What do the stars and planets say?
Now, you know I won't talk about that. It's a delicate personal matter.
I'm not talking about your love life. I'm referring to today's horoscope, not your blasted eriscope. Oh, never mind.
Maybe a new Mrs Eddy would create some buzz.
Call "Rasputin" and we'll chew the rag some on that. She's been playing the role unofficially for years anyway. Let's dust off the old girl and let her go for it in prime time.
[Enter "Rasputin"]
"I've always depended upon the kindness of strangers." [simper] How's that?
We're looking for MBE not Tennessee Williams or whatever that was. How would you like to play the new Mrs. Eddy?
Play? I thought . . .
Confound it! We're talking serious strategy here, not delusion. If we don't get some spiritual Geritol into this church pretty soon, even the whippersnappers are going to lose their snap. Can you convince them you've got the latest word from cloud-cuckoo-land or somewhere?
Look, things are as lite now as we can make them. Any liter and we'll have to tie it all down and paint it black to find it.
Well, what do you suggest?
I'll do a revised S&H. Always wanted to anyway. That thing is drier than a five-year old fruitcake and needs updating for a contemporary audience. We could call it "Science and Health for Dummies". Kids with lots of loose change would probably think it's neato.
Neato? Good grief, you sound like a 70-year-old teenybopper.
Cool, hip, boss, then.
Oh brother. Maybe a lifelike, inflatable MBE with a good ventriloquist would do just as well. Could you . . .
No.
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20 comments:
I am telling you, you are one funny individual. Cannot stop laughing over this brilliant blog post. Going to recommend it far and wide. (Hope Boston sees it!)
You are something else. Hysterically funny. How do you do what you do! I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
God is working through you, no doubt about it, and I thank you heartily.
I love this one especially, though all of your blog posts are worth reading. This one will be talked about all over the place. You can count on it!
Keep us laughing, won't you?
Love it, love it. "Rasputin" nails it. Uproariously funny.
You break me up, blogger. I can't stop laughing over this one. Would be even funnier if it were not all too sadly true.
The stars of you play have got to read this!
Not only did this entry entertain (oh how it did!) I learned new words. Keep using your considerable talent, blogger.
Such a delicious sense of humor! Someone called me late last night and said, you must read the latest on "Broken Net"--terrific blog post. He was right.
Thanks for using your talent this way...
Just the best writing on Christian Science issues out here. You have a wonderful ability to express your thoughts. And your obvious love for our glorious religion.
God bless your giving!
Just love your witty blog posts. Don't know of any other person devoted to CS (which you obviously are) with your great talent.
A pleasure tuning in.
Love it, love it! Won't leave my name, since I work at HQ. I can tell you, this is making the rounds.
Keep up your highly original thinking and writing.
There are so many hilarious lines in this blog post, but the one I can't stop laughing over is: they've made CS so lite it will have to be tied down and painted black to find it. How do you come up with such things? Inspired you are.
Dear Blogger, wherever you are, whatever you are (English professor surely), I really like the way you express yourself. And I am learning new things as I read your entries.
Thanks!
As much as I like the funnies you share, think I prefer the more metaphysical blog posts, like the one a couple of entries back. Thought that way up there.
But thanks for all you are doing...
What a delightful Boston play you've given the Field. Just love the freshness of your website, blogger.
Thanks much,
So neat, so well done, so side-splittingly funny. Got to be the most lively blog on CS around!
Thoroughly entertaining website. And you've summed up precisely where the organzation has gone off the rails the past few years. Very perceptive of you, and uniquely descriptive.
Absolutely hilarious blog entry! Someone told me I had to read this thing, and what a stitch it is.
Keep 'em coming -
Talk about "neato"...wish we could see writing like this in the periodicals. That would up the circulation for sure!
This is all the talk, I can tell you. Just the most original, creative, hilarious blog on CS I've found.
Love it!
So appreciate your devotion to the cause of Christian Science! (Got a lot from your entry on dismissing the Adam dream)
Thanks,
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