Sunday, March 21, 2010

Furtive "earth-weights"

As the sincere traveller continues to ascend the mountain of "heaven-crowned Christianity" he can hope to be encouraged and admonished by spiritual monitors stationed along the way. They will point out the numerous encumbering "earth-weights" he may be painfully toting up the "hillside steep".

Spiritual Monitor. That back pack is much too heavy to carry to the top.
Traveller. It's just some mental comfort food. Nothing to get alarmed about.
M. Let's have a look inside just the same. Hmm. Lots and lots of pet peeves I see, like the twits, as you put it, who throw trash out their car windows as they drive or leave their shopping carts loose to roam like vagrants in parking lots scratching and denting other's cars.
T. Well, they are a nuisance, just like the inconsiderate blots on the landscape who drive and talk on their cell phones, or the pestilential types who drop their used chewing gum on the sidewalk or fail to pick up after their dogs in the park. As the G&S song says, they are the kind "who never would be missed". There should be a nice spot in Hatlo's Inferno for them.
M. Tsk-tsk. You apparently have no idea how much all those claims of a material reality weigh. You will never get to the mountain top with them.
T. It provides a catharsis to give those reprobates their comeuppance--mentally at least. Why should I ignore a bunch of inconsiderate Neanderthals who look fit enough to enter a decathlon and yet park in handicapped spaces?
M. Our whole duty in life is to love God with all our hearts and keep His commandments and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Right?
T. I know, I know, but what's the harm of a little innocent and just criticism?
M. Because it's never innocent or harmless. Aha! What snarky little musings do we have here in the politicians and celebrities file? A gay and giddy young Nancy Pelosi coquettishly batting her eyes--when they were, presumably, battable--at a lascivious Tiger Woods.
T. I couldn't resist. The thought of those two inflicted on each other in unholy matrimony warmed the cockles of my heart. It's like someone said of the marriage of Thomas Carlyle and Jane Welch: It's great blessing was that only two people were made miserable by the union. Then, later, to see her roaring like an enraged Hummer through the thick undergrowth of his infidelities with those huge and implacable headlights on high beam bearing down on him . . . it gives me goose bumps to contemplate it.
M. But it gives more than goose bumps to your spiritual well-being. It doesn't matter if irritations like those cling to you like limpets. Get rid of them!
T. How about just a select few in a fanny pack? How much could they possibly weigh?
M. The answers to your questions are no and more than you obviously realize. You do not have time for such foolish thoughts.
T. How about . . . ?
M. No! Leave those folks to stew in their own juices. As Christ Jesus said: "What is that to thee?" and "follow me".

24 comments:

Best wishes from Germany said...

Outstanding if I do say! I was catching up on a couple I missed, and read this one, so will offer my sincere thanks for essays so very well written.
This one is a gem.

NYC said...

You're the man. (At least I assume you are.) You are the best at CS writing, hands down.

Thanks, from Florida said...

Love it! But perhaps some learned reader coming along after my comment can tell me who Jane Welch is and what is Hatlo's inferno? Not familiar with either of these.

Near Boston said...

I enjoyed this immensely. You are one gifted writer on metaphysics. Plus there are a lot of helpful points you bring out.
Thanks a lot for doing,

Stan said...

I'm a new visitor to your site, but a friend speaks highly of the writing one finds here, and I quite agree with him. A pleasure reading this blog post, especially.
Well done.

L. R. said...

You do serious very, not that this doesn't contain serious material for us to ponder, but I do believe I favor your funny blog posts. I laughed out loud at this one!

Thanks (Australia) said...

One of your best, in my view. Extremely well put together, Christian.

London (UK) said...

Thanks for adding a bit of sparkle to my day!

West Coast CS said...

So funny, and fresh, and well written, blogger. A happy experience reading your writing.

Fairly new reader said...

I think this borders on the brilliant, blogger. So glad you're sharing your talent with all of us out here.
(And did I laught!)

Nameless (like you) said...

This reminds me of the blog posts you did about a year ago when you took on Boston. I've been viewing your website for a long time, you see. This is really good, thanks.

D. L. said...

May God bless you for using your talents in the service of Christ and Christian Science.
I am grateful to you for the help you've given me over the months,

Midwest somewhere said...

You made some vital points in a most original way, and I truly enjoyed getting to read your latest.

W. R. said...

Bless you, blogger, for ending the way you have. Yes, we must follow in the steps of our Wayshower, just as our great Leader did.

Best from the UK said...

I think you've been reading Mrs. Eddy's Allegory in her Prose Works. Of course you're familiar with it! This was quite well crafted in my opinion and I am sure many of your readers will get a kick out of it.

Stephen said...

I couldn't tell from your title that this would be so amusing, but it is. You do have a flair for humour I do believe. Keep sending out these superior essays!

Washington, D.C. - Thanks said...

I chuckled at the Nancy Pelosi part, and I guess she can now stop batting her eyelashes at her followers. This isn't metaphysical, but I was sorry to see her prevail. It still is necessary for us students who learn that there is only the One Mind in control to really be knowing it these days. All may not be lost on the political, making the US a welfare state front.

Kathy said...

you are a good soldier of Jesus Christ to me.

Anonymous said...

This is soooooooo good! Luv the creativity! Wish you were 'transacting' the business in Boston!

Boston Environs said...

A rousing second to what the commenter above me said. Things would certainly be better for us faithful-to-what-our-Leader-left-us Christian Scientists!

Anonymous said...

I wish someone would tell me what Hatlo refers to and who that Welch woman is> I guess I could google it. In fact I will right now.

Anonymous said...

Someone I know told me, if you need a good laugh this morning, read the latest on Broken Net, which I just did. Really enjoyed this one!

Anonymous said...

Let's make it number 3. You would sure do better at Headquarters than has been done the past few years, with the devotion you have to Christian Science, not to mention your keen intelligence, high principles and ability to put your thoughts into understandable form.

Devoted fan said...

Hi there Professor,
I know it must take time to be a CS comedian, but you certainly have the talent to do it, and you do funny very well.
Give us another one, will you?